Life is a funny thing. I hope I have the ability to laugh. My Creator has a great sense of humor. It's quite obvious. I no longer believe that I was created out of sadism. There was a point I had to reach, when I went from a place of mistrust to a place of trust. I have to trust that the foundation of my existence is love.
Gathering people for tours has been an experience I will never forget. There are moments throughout the day, standing in front of St. Peters Basilica and the Vatican, that my soul feels totally crushed. There are moments when I forget how to smile. Many of them.
There are moments when I ask myself what I'm doing. Many of them. There are moments when I see something, or hear something, or feel something, and I despise humanity. There is something inside me that aches. There are other moments when I feel like "All is as it should be."
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
I am so much more than reasonably happy. I am also trying my damndest to accept hardship as a pathway to peace. Trust. I'm trying to trust that I wasn't created to hurt. I'm trying to trust that while, yes, humanity is so broken, busted, and bleeding, I am loved by my Creator. I am trying to trust that they are loved by their Creator.
I really don't know what I'm trying to say. I have so much on my mind and my heart. I have so much to be grateful for. I have so much gratitude in my heart and I'm looking for it. I don't like that I don't fart gratitude. I have more to be grateful for than I can ever say thanks for. I need to find out how to let some of that gratitude out, and I'm not sure how?
I've met people that are so in tune with who and what they are, what they were, and what they someday will become. These are the people that are joyful. These are the people that bring SO much positive energy to every situation they're in. These are the people that "never have a bad day." These are the people I love being around.
Someday, I'll be made perfect. Someday. I know who I was. I know what I've been. I know what I am. I don't yet know WHO I am. How do I allow the gratitude to flow in the midst of so much brokenness? How do I brighten other people's day? How do I allow the gratitude in my heart out? How do I say thanks to the One who loves me?
Life is a funny thing. I'm just learning how to smile, that's not easy to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment